A Letter to My Second Cousin

blue earings

I have undoubtedly the most adorable, amazing, second cousin. We don’t talk much nor do we really stay in touch but she truly is on of a kind. Not only is she beautiful, fit, and smart but she has the most precious soul I have ever come in contact with.

She is always smiling. She walks in a room and everyone is instantly in a better mood. She has this glow about her, this aura that just radiates energy and love. Her eyes sparkle no matter who she is talking to. I have never heard a negative thing come out of her mouth. She is the most positive person I know.

She is a writer and a blogger as well. She always has the best post. They are so well written. Everyone can relate to her. She wrote about her parents once. It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard a grown person write about anyone they were related to. She had me in tears. Even if it is a sad topic she is always on the positive side of the conversation. She is the everything I am striving to be.

She carries herself so well and is so put together. She is at peace with herself and her life. She knows she can handle anything. She has an amazing boyfriend, great support group of friends, she knows herself and her passions. She is truly an amazing woman and I hope to someday be like her.

Every time we see each other she is the same positive ball of energy I remember. She is always interested in everything going on in my life and wants to know all the gory details. Best part is she really cares about it. You can see the genuine love and passion in her. She is truly the most genuine, passionate soul I have ever met.

I can only hope that I can someday light up a room with my presence like her. I hope to be the most positive person anyone has ever met like her. I hope that one of my cousins secretly writes a blog about me because of it. I hope that I can be at peace with myself and know my own self worth like her. I hope that I can be as fit and beautiful as her as well, but I think that comes with the inner peace part that she has.

Aly if this ever gets to you I hope it doesn’t embarrass you too much but I hope you know that you are one amazing women! Don’t ever change! Keep changing the world! I know you have changed the way I strive to live mine, and it is all because of you!

Love Jess

Hearing Left

hearingToday is a blissful day. Started out like the past few had a hard time hearing in the AM, got the dogs ready, went to work, had a great attitude, did some new years cleaning at the desk done. Since I went to the chiropractors  on Saturday I have been more aware of my posture (and how bad it is), so  today I moved my monitors up and adjusted my seat a bit. I did some posture strengthening exercises and tried really hard to get it righ. For most of the day I was online looking at positive affirmations and quotes to keep my mind busy. ( I know the life of a receptionist) But what changed my day for me was when I answered the phone.

Before my SSNHL thing I usually answered the phone with my left ear. Because my hearing was effected in that ear for the past two weeks I have been answering with my right. Today I answers with my left on accident…. and I could hear!!!! Before it was all robotic and muffed. Today it is clear. I can hear!!! I am so grateful for that one phone call. I am so happy that it is getting better!!!! I am so grateful to hear my dog wine, my boyfriends video game, the crazy lady at the football game behind me! I cannot even tell you how thankful I am today.

I am doing everything in my power to be grateful and not think about anything else. I am listening to my fingers hit the key board. (yes I am a clunky typer). I am listening to the dishwasher run, the neighbors run up the stairs, the sound of my breath. All positive thoughts all amazing things I took for granted. I am so blessed.

Is it the Steroids? My Posture? My positive outlook?

It could be a beautiful mixture of all three! All I know is I am not stopping. My steroid medication is almost done. I see the chiropractor on Friday. And every day of my life I am going to strive to be positive and find a new way to live a stress free life.


I am a success story. I do believe. I am a miracle!


New Journey to Hope

New Year Better Me.

Negative thinking took me hostage the past few weeks with the SSNHL prognoses. It has been a struggle to be positive most days. Most people would never know. I am always smiling and being optimistic. But deep down I struggle with the what ifs. I have not always been this way, but life has a way of making you value something wonderful, then take it away unexpectedly. So when I get something or when something great happens in my life I tend to think “Yay this is great but at what cost” or “Yes finally but what if he leaves”.

There are many quotes that come to mind that we have all heard regarding fear. Fear is a great motivator. The Media uses it daily, parents us it to discipline their kids, teachers with grades, religion with good and evil. Fear is what keeps us from doing the things we wish we could do.

At one time in my life I was in a great place of peace. However, I was still indeed afraid of heights. A friend of ours took us on the AMAZING hike that required us to walk to to the old manned fire watch tower in the middle of the mountains. The stairs to the tower went up a steep cliff and looked straight down to a plummeting death. I got half way up the stairs and had to stop. Fear was racing in my mind. “One slip I am done. How old are these stairs. They have to be safe right? No one would just keep them here if they were unstable. Is that rust? OMG that is broken wood.”

In that moment I had to stop myself and sit on the stairs clinging for dear life.  I had to change my thoughts. In that moment I made the decision to change my thinking or go back down. I focus my attention on up not down,  I focused on impressing my friends, I focused on how the stairs are helping my butt look good. I focused on ANYTHING to keep me from letting fear take over that movement in my life. And when I did that I made it to the top and saw a view I will never forget. You could see for miles. You could see at least 10 14ers, down town Denver, Red Rocks, DIA, Miles of Mountains. It was unlike anything I have ever seen. And it was all because I concord the fear that was in my mind. Sounds cheesy but this is that moment in my life that is defining how I look at fear. (Now all I have to do is remember it.)

In the Hunger Games movie President Snow says “Hope. It is the only thing stronger than Fear” and it is true. I am living in fear that the worst is happening. We all do. Its the easy thing to do. Shit goes wrong in life and we want to prevent it. But guess what? WE CANNOT Prevent it.

“Sometimes what we are most afraid of is the very thing that will set you Free.”

I am so ready to be free of this fear. I am sick of being afraid of how to pay my next bill, how I am going to survive with out my hearing, how I am going to make my car last through winter, how everything may or may not go catastrophically wrong. WHAT IF IT GOES RIGHT? What if I regain all my hearing, what if money was attracted to me in abundance, what if my car last 10 more years, what if my boyfriend really does love me unconditionally. Those thoughts make me smile. Those thoughts are going to get me to the top of that watch tower. I know what end result of that story is! I know how overcoming fear ends! I just need to keep that mind set keep that vision. Keep that HOPE alive. I don’t know what is going to happen, but HOPE is better than just assuming the wrong answer.

And when they do, you can bet I will let the world know!

“Always go with the choice that scares you the most. Take the road that has more cures, because these are the choices aht are going to require the most from you. Never stop challenging yourself.”

Lets do this!


Negative December. Be Positive Remember.

Well so much for writing every day. I was all gun ho and ready for new beginnings and new adventures! Then, A few days after my first post, I woke up with no hearing in my left ear. Being hearing impaired since I was 6 I immediately new this was not a good sign.

I immediately went to an ENT and found out that I may have SSNHL (Sudden Sensory neural Hearing Loss). Its where one day you just wake up and have no hearing. Happens to like 5% of the population. GO ME! It was a rough way to start and adventure. You don’t realize how much you depend on something tell it is taken away. I was started on a high does steroid treatment and have had very inconsistent results. It has been a very very very negative few weeks. Lots of tears and fears.

BUT now that it has been a few weeks and with the support of my friends family and most importantly my boyfriend I know I can beat this. By being the optimistic amazing person I am, I am coming to terms with all of it. (Kind of). I am focusing on the things that this can teach me not the things it is taking away.

“It is not the problem that is the problem. It is your attitude toward the problem, that is the problem” ~Captain Jack Sparrow

Now I don’t take little things for granted. I used to complain when my dog would wake me at 5am wining to go outside. Now I am so grateful on the days I can hear him wine. I treasure every sound my boyfriend makes, even if it is a fart or a snore because I know I may not hear that again tomorrow. I treasure my eyesight, my strength, my ability to smell, touch, move, and think. I have also come to to realize the importance of facing people when talking. Being fully engaged in conversations, giving all my attention to that person. Not that person and what time it is, or what is going on over on that wall.

It is far from over. I am going to regain my hearing back. I am a success story. We are going to figure out what is wrong and fix it. Technology is so amazing now I could get a cochlear implant and hear things I never even new existed! This is the beginning of my journey. For what ever reason I needed this to happen so it would kick start me into my life. I put the positive frequency out there saying I want more and this is what I got.

I do believe that next new years eve I will be laughing at how much I cried this past week. I will be in a place that I can only begin to imagine right now. Maybe I will be in an amazing career that I love. Or I will be celebrating marring my best friend, or I will be in my dream home with a HUGE fire place! Who knows, I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I am going to be better than I was before.





Hello World

Well here it goes. Hello world, my name is Jessica and I am new to this blogging thing. I am not even sure how to really start, so here it goes. I have always loved writing and sharing my thoughts with others, but have never had the courage nor the motivation to put it out there on the internet. What changed you ask? Honestly, my weight. It was not the only thing that motivated me to start writing but it was the straw that broke the camels back.

My boyfriend and I have just moved to Buffalo NY in hopes to find a new life and grand adventure! Grew up in Colorado and loved everything about it. We loved the mountains, the weather, the people, the beer, all of it. But we needed change. We wanted to buy a home, travel, start a family. All things would cost an arm and a leg in the 303. So we decided to go somewhere were we could afford to have an adventure. I grew up a very active person, three sport athlete in high school, went to college for track, always very competitive when it came to working out and keeping fit. As soon as I graduated and life (bills) started, it all changed.

We all go through life thinking that when we are older we will have it together. Well in my case that still has yet to happen. I am 28 years old and have NO idea what I want to do with my life. This is the first reason I decided to start blogging. I want to find purpose, I want to find my purpose. I want to find my passion and run with it tell it cannot run any more. I want more than this life that I have created for myself. There has to be more out there than this 9-5. I had a big kid job and big kid hours things were supposed to be great. But with that I had less time to work out, less time to go for hikes, and overall less time be the active outdoor person I once was.

My boyfriend and I started getting serious in that 9-5 life, and we all know weight gain comes when you are happy (stupid boys). I found a way to go to the gym in the morning and we made a pact to eat healthy. Thing were going well tell I got bored at work. There was nothing wrong with my job really I had just mastered my position and had no desire to move onto the next phase of that job. Boredom became stressful. I lacked energy, desire, motivation, my smile. It took a HUGE tole on my life. So one day we decided to make a change. (There is a lot more to that story but I will save it for another day.)

Now, 22 hours and 1500 miles later we are here, in Buffalo NY. The town where we can afford to live and play. The town where we could make all our dreams come true. Well we have been here a month and we have yet to go anywhere or do anything. The stress of moving, getting jobs, finding our way around, transferring bank accounts (the worst part in my opinion),getting a new licence, registration, insurance, and finding money to keep it all together, is not what we expected. We are both stressed, our dogs are stressed, and I haven’t even thought about what this has done to mu physical body.  Then looked myself in the mirror, and I stepped on the scale. My 5’4” body who has never in her life been over 123lbs was now 140.

I am not saying this is a bad weight nor is it unhealthy. Weight is just a number, as an athlete I know that better than anyone. It is how you look and feel that matters. There was a time I new I was bigger but liked how I looked so the number on the scale didn’t matter to me. Now though, I look bad, feel bad, and the number is bad.

So I decided to stop waiting for change to happen and start the change in my life. Hoping to inspire myself to run a bit, travel a bit more, and find the real me! I am now a Blogger.