Why do we Fall?

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Photo: all_we_are_is_falling___detail_by_snikstencilstuff

I have spent the last few days binge watching a few of the movie series I have in my house. I started with Harry Potter (yes all 7 of them), the Matrix, then Batman (with Christian Bale). All movies with people who endure hardships, much worse than mine, and they never  give up. A few quotes from each movie really stuck with me.

We have both light and dark in us. It is what we choose to act on that determines who we really are. ~ Sirius Black

Why do we fall Bruce? So we can learn to pick our selves back up. ~Alfred

My last post was full of hate and negativity. I was in a place that I didn’t want to be in. I am still there, but my view of it has changed. I thought it would be easier to live in that negative world, I thought it would be easier to just not care. However, I quickly learned that it is not easier. It hurts more, you only find more to be upset about. You never really give up. You want to, oh do you want to. But there is something inside that fights you. Fights against everything you have. Believe it or not it makes it harder to be negative and hateful.

We all have choices. I chose to be on the dark side. However, I still have light in me. I still have a spark. I dont know what this spark is, but I have felt it. It is the only thing keeping me going. It is the real me I have been searching for. The reason for my existence and it is fighting to stay alive.

Why do we fall? We fall to find our spark. We fall and keep falling until we realize that we have much to live for. We have a purpose. It is that one thing that fights you when you want to give up. It is that choking feeling you get when you cry out in pain and anger. It is that gut feeling that even though it is dark something, just something is out there that is good. That hope that something will change.

I have noticed in all of these movies every main character has a crazy grandma (Moana), a crazy mentor (Morphous, Dumbledore), or a care taker (Alfred) that pushes them to be the best they can be. They push them to do that one crazy thing, hold onto that one glimmer of hope. They hold them up when all they can do is look down. After watching Moana I thought about who that would be for me. My family is crazy but my grandparents are very logical, my best friend is in the same boat as me, and I don’t really have a mentor. But I do have my Christopher. My Christopher, who has been my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my positive force of light. He has been everything for me. No matter what my mind set has been he has always been there.

I have not been that person for him. If things were turned and he was the one being negative I don’t know if I could have been as strong as him. But he is my light. He is my little spark. He is the reason that I am still going. Because of him I have not given up. He makes me smile, laugh, feel uncomfortable. He makes me do things I would never think of doing. I holds my hand when a Disney movie makes me cry. He is positive even when we are at rock bottom. I have to do this for him. Someday the tables may turn and I need to be strong for him.

I have to change I want to change. I had to fall to learn who believes in me. I had to fall to learn how to be a positive force. We all fall. It is how we choose to get up that makes up who we are.

Ask

Believe

Achieve

 

 

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Whole Damn Fire

In my last post I wrote about how I was afraid of losing my spark. I was afraid that this job was killing me slowly. I was mindlessly surfing facebook when this post caught my attention.

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It was the sign I have been looking for. This may not be the job of my dreams but I cannot let it dull my fire! I cannot let it destroy me! I will not let it get me down! I am a warrior! I have passion and a fiery energy about me! I will not let others take this from me!

I am going into work today ready to conquer it ! I am ready to take on my task and be the best I can be. I am ready to ask questions, initiate meetings, and kick A**!

Some times you just need to stop and look around, the universe is giving you the signs you are asking for. You just need to be paying attention!

 

 

My Dream Job

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Today I have decided to describe my dream job. I am going to use the power of The Secret and focus my energy onto the things I want.

My job will allow me to work 7-3 Monday through Friday.

My job will pay me $65,000 a year. With paid benefits, paid vacation, and 401k.

I will be surrounded by wonderful, positive, motivated people.

I will be able to work with people and be up and moving most of the day.

I will be able to help people.

I can walk to work if I wanted to.

I will have many opportunities for advancement.

I will have an office with lots of windows and sunlight. I will have a desk with many positive quotes, images, and love on it. The desk will be a light oak, with lots of space for writing. Possibility for a stand up desk option.  A Blue balance ball for a chair. Scented with my peppermint Pink Zebra warmer. A light oak coat rack in the corner. Beautiful scenery photos on the walls.

I will be challenged and supported. Motivated and competitive. With a great team of people to work for.

I will be able to give them the best of what I have to offer every day and get acknowledged for it!

Have my full potential utilized and have new skills to learn.

I got this.

There Universe I asked. I believe this job is out there!

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

 

Spring is Coming, so is Change!

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This Easter I went to my Grandparents in Boston with my sister. We saw family we havent seen in years. It was great to see them and catch up, but I wasnt myself. I noticed that I was very closed off, I was watching what I said, and I sat in the back of the room. I was not confident at all. I felt like I had nothing worth wile to say or brag about. I have a mediocre job, I have gained weight, and have no plans to change it. Who would want to talk to me? What good do I have to share? That is when I realized I need to change.

Spring is a time of renewal. Trees bud, animals have babies, snow melts and reveals the beauty it was hiding. We can open the windows and let the old air out, clean under the things we put out for Christmas, and start new. Today, after reflecting on how I acted and how everyone acted around me, I have decided to make a change.

I know you have heard me say this before, but it takes time. I have changed a lot in  the past 6 months. My mind mostly has become more clear and positive. But today is different. When I started my blogg I also started a Manifestation Shopping List. It is a list of all the things I want to attract into my life. I dont look at it often but I do add to it. Today I looked at it and read what I had written down when I first started. I was amazed that I could cross some things off that list. With out thought I had accomplished and attracted things to me! I was shocked that I had changed things in my life! Here I was feeling like nothing was changing and I was stuck in this rut, but slowly and surly it is changing.

Here are a few things that I have checked off.

  • Regained my hearing
  • Traveled to see Grandma
  • Traveled to see Lou
  • Traveled to see Chuck and Kathy
  • Find a Career at HD (they called me this weekend)
  • Put my dogs through Doggie Day Care (Had them watched by a Pet sitter this weekend)
  • Started a support group for people with SSNHL on facebook

Small things, but things I didnt think were possible 6 months a go. Now I still have a few things on the list to check off but the fact that I am checking things off is progress! It made me feel like I was doing something right. I was on  the right path. Which in turn motivates me to do more.

Like the buds on the tree. Beautiful things take time to grow. The conditions need to be just right and they need to be strong enough to push through. No matter how slow you go, keep thinking positively and doing little things to change. The little things make a difference!

Spring is coming, so is change!

Start that second job! Start that blogg! Go for that run! Sign up for that gym! Open that bank account! Make that Vision Board! Apply for that Job! Read that Book! Make that Call! Start somewhere! Start doing something! One little thing can change everything! The ripple effect!

GO! Change! Do!

 

Hearing Left

hearingToday is a blissful day. Started out like the past few had a hard time hearing in the AM, got the dogs ready, went to work, had a great attitude, did some new years cleaning at the desk done. Since I went to the chiropractors  on Saturday I have been more aware of my posture (and how bad it is), so  today I moved my monitors up and adjusted my seat a bit. I did some posture strengthening exercises and tried really hard to get it righ. For most of the day I was online looking at positive affirmations and quotes to keep my mind busy. ( I know the life of a receptionist) But what changed my day for me was when I answered the phone.

Before my SSNHL thing I usually answered the phone with my left ear. Because my hearing was effected in that ear for the past two weeks I have been answering with my right. Today I answers with my left on accident…. and I could hear!!!! Before it was all robotic and muffed. Today it is clear. I can hear!!! I am so grateful for that one phone call. I am so happy that it is getting better!!!! I am so grateful to hear my dog wine, my boyfriends video game, the crazy lady at the football game behind me! I cannot even tell you how thankful I am today.

I am doing everything in my power to be grateful and not think about anything else. I am listening to my fingers hit the key board. (yes I am a clunky typer). I am listening to the dishwasher run, the neighbors run up the stairs, the sound of my breath. All positive thoughts all amazing things I took for granted. I am so blessed.

Is it the Steroids? My Posture? My positive outlook?

It could be a beautiful mixture of all three! All I know is I am not stopping. My steroid medication is almost done. I see the chiropractor on Friday. And every day of my life I am going to strive to be positive and find a new way to live a stress free life.

NO FEAR.

I am a success story. I do believe. I am a miracle!