Courage

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“The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you dont.”

The other day I decided to take the job that I have been so afraid of. I wrote a wonderful heart felt two week notice letter to my current employer and let him know that it was for financial reasons that I was leaving. At first he only accepted one week of the two that I offered him. This came to a shock to me because I was under the impression that I was well liked there. Monday morning came around for my last week and I get a call from my HR lady (His secretary) and she informed me that my boss doesn’t think I should come in this week. I was stunned. I had never in my life ever been asked not to work the last two weeks of my job.

For a moment I took it personally. What had I done, where did I go wrong, but then I realized that it had nothing to do with me. My boss is pissed that I left his control. He is upset that I will no longer be there to wait on his hand and foot. He was mad that I know better things are out there.

This quote came to me the day I gave my notice. It didn’t mean anything tell Monday. That job was so toxic and negative that it was draining my ability to grow. I had asked the universe for an opportunity to grow and thrive. The universe had to drop me from this toxic job in order for me to see how awful it was. The universe was listening. I didn’t have the courage to let go of this terrible job that was holding me back. It had to be taken from me. It is now Wednesday and I have done nothing but what I want to do for two days and I am a brand new person!!!

I am working out two times a day. I have time to do my crafts and color. I have time to do laundry when I want to. I have time to watch that movie, or read that book. These next two weeks are all about me and getting my mind back to success mode. Once I start this new job I will be at my old 100% self. Ready to take on the new challenge and thrive!

It was a blessing in disguise. The universe was looking after me. I now know if something is bad for me I shouldn’t linger in it too long. I need to get rid of it and move toward the amazing things that life has to offer.

Here’s to moving forward. Here’s to dropping the dead weight. Here’s to having the courage to keep going!

Let this new journey begin!!!

My Dream Job

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Today I have decided to describe my dream job. I am going to use the power of The Secret and focus my energy onto the things I want.

My job will allow me to work 7-3 Monday through Friday.

My job will pay me $65,000 a year. With paid benefits, paid vacation, and 401k.

I will be surrounded by wonderful, positive, motivated people.

I will be able to work with people and be up and moving most of the day.

I will be able to help people.

I can walk to work if I wanted to.

I will have many opportunities for advancement.

I will have an office with lots of windows and sunlight. I will have a desk with many positive quotes, images, and love on it. The desk will be a light oak, with lots of space for writing. Possibility for a stand up desk option.  A Blue balance ball for a chair. Scented with my peppermint Pink Zebra warmer. A light oak coat rack in the corner. Beautiful scenery photos on the walls.

I will be challenged and supported. Motivated and competitive. With a great team of people to work for.

I will be able to give them the best of what I have to offer every day and get acknowledged for it!

Have my full potential utilized and have new skills to learn.

I got this.

There Universe I asked. I believe this job is out there!

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

 

Fear Is Powerful

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I just had a wonderful follower of mine comment on my resent post, and it really shook me awake. I am so grateful for the comment because they were right. I was stuck in a  negative spot and couldn’t see anything but bad things. I was so afraid that all these things could happen that I forgot to see the flip side of the coin.

Fear is a powerful emotion. It can suck you into deep places and blind you from ever venturing out into the light. I have some of my best memories from overcoming fear. I was terrified to ride a motorcycle, but I got my license and now I am a Harley riding bad ass. I over came my fear of heights and climbed up to a fire watch tower (on these stairs that go over a cliff) and saw the best view of Colorado I have ever seen in my life. Sadly, fear was consuming me yesterday.

All I could see was the bad things that could happen. I had my blinders on and was not looking anywhere but. Yes all these things could happen, but so could a ton of positive things.

This could be an opportunity for me to get out of debt. This could be an opportunity for me to shine and have someone see. Maybe even have someone offer me something bigger and better. This is an opportunity to grow and change. It would provide me and opportunity to maybe move back home. My grateful follower also mentioned that this isn’t forever. I can always quit. I can always find something else. Is is scary? Sure, but nothing is scarier that staying somewhere you don’t belong.

I need to change my thinking. I have been negative for so long it is now my go-to process. I need to change that. I need to rewire my brain to think positive again. This wont be a quick fix but it will be worth it. I am going to write this on my list of things to do. Overcome fear. Do something I am afraid of every day. ….

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here through my journey. Thank you for encouraging me to be the best I can be.

Faith.

List.

Change.

Boom.

The Things You Notice

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Recently there have been little moments in every day that I have notice myself looking at the optimistic side of things. Whether it be looking at the bright side when someone complains to me, or when I let someone cut in that is being a bi*** driving. It stands out in my mind when it happens. It is weird. Maybe, I am starting to do something right.

The Secret say, what you think becomes things. Every thing you are thinking now is your future, think about that. The one quote that scares me the most is the one that goes:

“Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow”

My answer today is no. But I feel that I have a clearer idea of what I want. I know I want to go back to school to be a Physical Therapist Assistant. I know that I may need to take a shitty yet higher paying job in order to save to go to school. I know that I want to get married in a barn with pumpkins and pie. I know I want twin boys. I know I want to have a Bungalow with a huge porch ( I also know I want in this home). So today, I am trying to focus on these things instead of stressing about what is going wrong in my life.

I dont have a plan per-se, but I know what I need to do. I know I need to go to school to get the job I want. I know that to go to school I need to find a job that pays more so I can save money for school.  It sounds like a plan but I feel like it is a pre-plan. Until I have an acceptance letter to the school, and the money to be able to devote time to school and school only, then and only then will it be a plan. For now it is just a dream.

I want to be closer to the things that I want. I have felt like lately I have been farther from those dreams than I ever have been. The Secret says “don’t focus on the how, just believe that the opportunities will come to you. When they do you need to act.” Well this is hard. I feel like I have not focused on the how for a long time. I was kinda expecting it to just come to me. I was just like “ok I want this and this and this”. But nothing came. I do believe that you need to just trust it will all work out, but you cannot get accepted into a school with out applying. You cannot win the lotto without buying a ticket. There is a little bit of work you need to to in order to get what you want.

So I applied to a school. I applied for FASFA. I sent in my transcripts. I applied for the higher paying (shitty) job. Now all I can do it believe that the universe is working in my favor.Wait. Hope. Pray.

Like I said I did something and now I notice the little optimistic things that I didn’t notice before. They are little but the fact that I am focused on that I am doing them is a sure sign of good things.

One step at a time.

Make List Make Change.

Believe in your dreams.

I got this.

 

“I am not afraid of storms, for I am just learning how to sail my ship!” ~Louisa May Alcott

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I am starting to learn that this Law of Attraction journey is really a roller coaster of emotions. You start thinking positive thoughts  then something comes around and tests your positive energy. You fall, get back up, and try again.  Then something else happens, you fall, you get back, up and try again. Everything is a test. That is life.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

I keep complaining about where I am and what is happening to me. I go up and have weeks of positive energy, then something comes around and I am back to square one of worry and stress. But I always pick  myself back up and continue the cycle.

I dont like this cycle. I want to break it. I keep saying this too.  I look back on post I have written and notice that it is the same cycle different situations. I want to break this cycle. I want to break my norm. I am better than this and I KNOW the universe knows this too!

I am asking the universe for better and it keeps testing me to see if I am ready. Unfortunately I am not. I keep failing. I keep thinking if I had a different job, if I had more money, if I had just did this different, if I lost the weight. But it is not an external battle. It is internal. Nothing can change in your life until you love and have confidence in yourself.

I have written a post like this before too.

I tend to look at myself in a negative way. I am not proud of myself. I look for outside validation from other people to feel good about myself. I fell like a failure.I have gained weight. The whole nine yards. Truth is though, I am good enough.

The fact that I know I am better than this. The fact that I keep looking for more answers and keep trying to move forward. The fact that I keep getting up when I fall. All of these things prove that I am the person I know I can be. I just need to start acting on her. I need to put a plan in to action. I need to react to conflict with confidence. I need to act with a level head and take a second to assess the situation before reacting.

I know I can do this. I need to stop dwelling on the past, on what I was and become what I know I am! I will never be what I was, I will be better!

It is a process. I will probably fall again. But I can guarantee that I am learning and I wont make this mistake the same way twice!

Like Thomas Edison said:

“I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.”

Well here’s to 10,001!

The power of HOPE

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Isn’t the Olympics supposed to be about unity. Aren’t they supposed to be about bringing together great men and women from every nation, and competing on a even playing field. It is  supposed to be a chance for talented people to get together learn each others cultures, techniques, and languages. It should be a time for admiration, encouragement, and growth. But with all the doping accusations going on that dream has died.

My life is hard but I still believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I still believe that life is more than this struggle. The Olympics should be a vision of that hope. Those athletes should be the example of what hard work and dedication is. It should be the vision of what we can accomplish with a little hard work.

Now it is like the Hunger Games, the only difference are there are three victors, and no one dies. It is everyone against them selves. No unity, no hope.

I know not all the athletes are doping, and they are cracking down on the issue, however it still doesnt sit right for those of us who watch it with hope. Dont get me wrong, I am amazed at what some of those athletes can do! They can do things I have only dreamed of doing. Yet they have yet to realize how much power they have being who they are. They need to use that power for good. They are the ones that need to make the world great again and give us hope. Not these presidential nominees. Everyone watches the Olympics. Like the Hunger Games they are broadcast ed everywhere. Everyone is cheering for their district, sorry, their Country.

In this world we are acting on fear. We need to start acting on hope. We need a Katness Everdine to show us that we can do this and we can overcome fear.

“Hope is the only thing stronger than Fear.” ~ President Snow

These athletes have the power to bring us this hope. They have the power to show us that we can be great again. They have the power to unify us as a nation.

Every day in the news it is another sad story about how we are against each other. There is death, corruption, and anger everywhere. We all want the same thing. We all want to live in harmony among each. We can achieve this without cheating.

We should always be able to hope.

We should always be able to dream.

We should be able to fix this.

It starts with us.

 

 

 

It doesn’t do well to dwell in the Past.

 

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I sit here today dwelling in the past. I miss Colorado. I miss having a home, a good job, good food, and places to shop. I miss my mountains. I miss my friends. I keep saying what if I stayed, what if I took a different job, what if.

I cannot change the past. I cannot re make decisions. Unfortunately I cannot go back to Colorado. All I have is what is in front of me. I can choose to dwell in what it is not, or strive to find what it is.

I keep saying once I find a different job I will be happy, or once we buy a home  I will be happy, or once we have money I will be happy. But that is not what happiness is about. Happiness is about being happy no matter the circumstances. If you keep finding happiness in things you will never find it. There will always be something you dont have. I need to find a way to be happy now. Would money help, YES, but it is not the cause of my unhappiness. I was unhappy when I had money.

I dont know the answer. I dont have a secret trick. I just know that I need to be happy in the now. I cant change the past, but I can help shape the future. I am choosing to be positive and make the most of what we have here. Just today I had a day where  I wish I was back at home.

 

Always Dress to Impress

Today I looked good. I went to the gym, I completely shaved my legs (come on ladies we all know we half ass this chore), did my hair, and makeup. Nothing over the top just a little more than normal, and I FEEL AWESOME.

I had a coach in high school that always had us shine our cleats and iron our jersey for game day. We couldnt play if we didnt. Now, 12 years later, I finally understand why it was so important to do so. Not only did we look sharp and intimidating, we looked the way we felt. If we looked good we would feel good. You had to prepare for the day. You couldnt just wake up an hour before the game and hope you get there on time. By shining our cleats the night before we mentally were preparing ourselves for the game. Tucking in our jersey and wearing our hat straight, helped us focus. We would look at other teams and just know we were going to win, just by looking at them.

The power of a first impression is a big deal for both parties. On the one end the other person notices that you put in the time to look good for them. On the other you feel more confident. I am not saying go out and wear a three piece suit every day. I am saying take the time to do a little something special to your self. It could be put on jewelry, apply some makeup, wear the nice shoes, tuck in your shirt, wear the non holy jeans. Yes you may have to wake up ten min earlier or plan your outfit a head of time but you know what it is worth you feeling good.

Being an athlete I have gotten used to wearing sweats everywhere. Though I do look good in sweats, it is the easy way out. I feel so much better when I take a little time to put an outfit together. My way, my style and FOR ME. Dont get it twisted. DO THIS FOR YOU!

Look good for you and others will notice. Look good so you can walk by a store window and be like DAMN! I am not thrilled with the way my body looks but I am dressing it in a way that I like and feel really good about it!

Be you! Feel Good! Dress to impress yourself!

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Paradigm Shifting, Again

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Back in January I wrote about Paradigms and shifting my paradigm. It has been six months of struggling with my paradigm and I feel that things have gotten worse. But as I read that post again, I see that the goal was not to be better but to start change. The goal was to shift from my ordinary. Do something different.have an adventure. I had jumped out of my comfort zone and into a realm of unknown.

No one ever says change is easy. Lots has changed in my life. I have learned to budget better, I have learned to work more and harder, I have learned to prioritize, I have learned to not hold things in. I have learned that I need to have more respect for myself. I have learned what I was doing was OK, but to be great I need to change.

These past few months have been the hardest of my young 29 year life. I can either dwell on them or learn from them. I sit here again in Starbucks applying for my 50th job this week, and I have to consciously make the decision to be positive. It is not easy. I am learning that life hands you lemons, and in order to change you need to learn to make apple juice. I used to take it one day at a time. But soon that became to hard. Now I take it moment to moment.

I am changing, I am clearing out the bad to make room for the good. It is painful, but I have hope.

H.O.P.E = Hold On Pain Ends

I have faith that things will get better. But it all starts with me. Like I said in my last post. I need to start being proud of me. Once I master that I am sure it will all come together. You need a strong foundation in order build up. I have been knocked down to rock bottom and before I can go up I need to strengthen my foundation. I need to strengthen me. I need to push out the bad. Force myself to see the good. Make it a habit. Make it my Paradigm.

I used to do this daily, but I am not that person any more. I am so different than I was before. Before I didn’t know struggle, I didn’t know defeat, fear, or loss of pride. I was a great 125lb sexy, college graduate with the whole world in front of her. It just so happens that it slapped her in the face. This new me has different needs. This new me has different strengths. It is time to begin this life and stop dwelling on the past. I am a new work of art. A masterpiece.

One moment at a time.

Make List

Make Change

Find ME.

$80,000 a year

128lbs

All by September

GOALS

 

The Secret Scroll of learning

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“Your life is a learning process – you can only become wiser from learning. Sometimes you might have to attract making a painful mistake to learn something important, but after the mistake you have far greater wisdom. Wisdom cannot be bought with money- it can only be acquired through living life. With wisdom comes strength, courage, knowing, and an ever-increasing peace.”

– Rhonda Byrne

This was my Secret Scroll that gets emailed to me through the website thesecret.tv. This is my quote of the day. This is the optimism I am going to use in my situation. I am Learning. I am learning something now that requires me to struggle like this. There is a reason for me to be here in this shit.

Yesterdays post was very real, very hard, very honest. I am in a bad spot. I had a follower comment on my last post and she said, thank you for your honesty. This touched me. For some reason I was supposed to write that blog yesterday. Maybe it  will help someone else not feel so alone. Maybe it will attract someone to help me. Maybe it was a way for me to get my feelings out of my head so I can create space for positive thoughts. I don’t know. But I feel that that comment made me feel better. If I can feel better by being honest, that’s a positive thing! I am learning that it is OK to be honest about how you feel. It is not wrong or bad to feel this way. It is a learning process.

The list I made yesterday I think is a good start to moving forward. I only got two of seven things done (I had a softball game, but your right no excuses) but it holds me accountable for my shit. It keeps me in check. Keeps me learning.

Today I woke up and made my list, and at the top of the list is my goal of looking at the bright side of everything that happens today. Today Rent is due and we were able to pay rent. Bright Side: we have a home for another month! Thank GOD! Can we eat this week, no, but we can stay out of the street! That is important! One accomplishment at a time.

I still have my list. I am going to accomplish more on it today than yesterday. I am learning something, something important, something big. I am more than this. I am bigger than this. There is something BIG in store for me. I am not just a receptionist. I am so much more!

List = Change. It is not much of a plan but at least I have one.